Steps to Forgiveness
Conflicts, misunderstandings, and pain are part of living in a sinful world, but how we respond to hurt is our decision. How do you forgive someone who has shown you hatred, abuse, or neglect when revenge and justice for the wrong doings is desired?
Forgiveness does not mean that you will forget the offense. Forgiveness is a process in which you may need to remind yourself of your decision to forgive. Psychologist, Everett Worthington Jr. developed an acrostic called R-E-A-C-H which is a tool to help navigate the forgiveness process.
The first step is to Recall the Hurt. In this step, the individual is to objectively look at what happened and identify the truth. Do not minimize your pain or make excuses for the offender.
The second step is to Empathize with the Offender. Placing yourself in the shoes of the offender helps you to understand that they are likely to be hurting too.
The third step is the Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness. During this step, reflect on times where you have personally done something wrong and have been forgiven. In recognizing how you felt in receiving forgiveness, would you like to give the gift of forgiveness? Forgiveness is decisional and is not based on emotions. To help you in this step, recall God’s great mercy and grace toward you and how He has forgiven you.
The fourth step is to Commit Publicly to Forgive. To achieve this step, you may want to journal about your decision to forgive and that you will no longer ruminate about the wrongs done to you. Sharing your decision to forgive with close confidants will help you be accountable to your decision to forgive the offender.
The final step is to Hold On to Forgiveness. When doubts rise, it will be important for you to remember the decision you made to forgive the person. Corrie ten Boom (a Nazi concentration camp survivor) was reminded of an offense done to her by a former guard, she responded, “I distinctly remember forgetting that.” You may never be able to forget; however, you can remember to forgive.
Call for help today to begin the process of steps to forgiveness of those who have harmed you.